Google scares viewers on Halloween.. puts Rekha's picture as Doodle

Rekha at an award ceremony.

Google India has decided to scare its viewers on Halloween by putting actress Rekha's picture as its doodle.

Rekha a famous indian actress who used to look good in her youth now roams around attending award shows looking like a vampire. Google it has been learnt has decided that she is the scariest looking of all the people they have come across and are going to use her face to wish its viewers Happy Halloween. " Can u sleep at night without being scared after seeing her at the award shows" was the reply Google CEO Eric Schmidt gave when asked why they chose the former beauty. "It was her or Simi Garewal." he further added. Mr Schmidt did emphasis on the point that they will be using a current picture from one of the various award ceremonies where she has been seen giving away awards.

Bollywood is happy that Rekha is finally being given her dues. " Oh this is awsome. Finally Rekha aunty is getting what she deserves." said a certain Abhishek Bachchan. " O she always looked scary. I once tried dressing up as her and going to a Halloween party. Everyone was shit scared." said Priyanka Chopra from Bollywood.

Meanwhile it has been learnt that Simi Garewal is upset at loosing out to Rekha but sources tell us it was a close call.

Vettel arrested for under-age drinking after winning India GP

Noida(U.P): In a development that could have far reaching consequences for Formula One in India , two time World Champion and winner of the inaugural Indian Grand Prix Sebastian Vettel was arrested today for under-age drinking. The minimum age limit for alcohol consumption in the NCR region is 25years and Vettel is 24years of age.

The inaugural Airtel Indian Grand Prix was held today in Noida at the newly commissioned Buddh International Circuit.Vettel who drives for the Red Bull Racing Team started the Indian Grand Prix from pole position and after a perfect race finished first. As is the norm the podium finishers were given a bottle of champagne which they then opened to drink in open view of the public to celebrate their win. " Ka bhaiya aise khulle aam daroo peeyenge to humka arrest to karna hi padega na bhai" said a confident and smiling Inspector Yadav who arrested Vettel even as 3 cases of rape were registered in his jurisdiction and over a 100 cases of murder and kidnapping remain unsolved." This is the quickest UP police has ever acted, hopefully they will continue the pace for other cases as well" said a resident of Noida, a city infamous for its crime rate.

What can be an embarrassment for the ruling party is the fact that CM Mayawati was the one who presented the champagne along with the trophy to Vettel. "She is encouraging the youth to drink.This is unacceptable in our Indian society" said Mr Digvijay Singh spokesperson for the Congress.

It is still not known who has infact lodged the FIR against the driver with BSP blaming Congress saying it is their tactic to defame their party. Meanwhile rumors are also doing the round that miffed at not being invited for the Indian GP sports minister Ajay Maken may have lodged the complaint to take revenge against the GP organisers.

Prices of TVs and Luxury Items rise due to floods in Thailand

New Delhi: An emergency cabinet meeting was called today after inflation hit an all time high. Even as food prices and prices of essential commodities continue to rise the govt has now been hit with a bigger problem. Prices of luxury items like branded perfumes , LED and LCD TVs etc have shot thru the roof due to floods in Thailand.

Thailand has always been a favorite destination for 'importers' to bring (read smuggle) in branded electronics for cheep to sell in the Indian market." The rains and subsequent flooding in Bangkok has resulted in shortage of TVs and other electronic devices in the market resulting in unusually high prices" said Mr Patnayak an 'importer'. Even as lacks of people are dying of hunger demand for bigger and bigger LEDs and LCDs is growing rapidly and with Thailand reeling under floods prices for the same have skyrocketed.

It is not only causing problem to buyers but also astonishingly to custom officials at various international airports in the country. "With no flights coming in from Thailand we are having very few 'collections' " said an official on condition of  anonymity. Interestingly on paper the custom tax collection for the past week has not been any different from when the same airport would welcome over 3 flights daily from Bangkok.

The problem is so grave that Mr Manmohan Singh had to call an emergency cabinet meeting. "The seriousness of the situation was apparent when Mr Singh decided to chair the meeting himself instead of just listening like in all prior cabinet meetings" said one of the senior cabinet ministers who looked totally drained after a very hectic meeting. Sources informed that External Affairs Minister Sri S.M.Krishna has been asked to take up the matter directly with the Govt of Thailand and open a channel of trade at the earliest. "This is a matter of grave significance. It affects the common man. How will he be able to enjoy the F1 race and the Cricket Matches to be held if 3D LED TVs will not be available in the market" said a senior leader who did not wish to be named.

Meanwhile it has been learnt that food prices have shot up so high that Rs 32 a day can no longer even fetch a piece of bread and some dal.

Sonia Gandhi asks all overweight MPs to undergo Gastric Bypass in bid to control food inflation

New Delhi: UPA Chairperson and Congress leader Sonia Gandhi has today announced thru her spokesman Dr Manmohan Singh that all overweight MPs will have to undergo Gastric Bypass surgery in a bid to control inflation in food prices.

 Mrs Sonia Gandhi , today after a core cabinet meeting,  has come out with the novel way to control the prices of essential foods. The UPA chairperson said " this will not only help reduce demand and bring about a fall in prices of food but will also help improve the health of the elected members thus resulting in a win win situation for both."  Analysts have welcomed the move which they say is a small step in the right direction. Doctor Singh (although a doctor in economics) explained that Gastric Bypass was was a surgery in which the patients stomatch is made smaller this resulting in him/her being less hungry and eating less quantities of food. he explained that this way demand for food would fall and the economies of demand and supply would come into force resulting in lowering of food prices.

It is not yet known how the govt decides to fund the surgeries and under which scheme though sources have confirmed that MPs willing to take the benefit of the scheme will be allowed to get their surgeries done in Specialist Clinics in America and would be allowed to take their family with them for support as they go under the knife.

 Meanwhile it has been learnt that BJP is trying to take credit for the govt policy stating that they were the ones who came out with the idea and that Mr Nitin Gadkari's selfless sacrifice of going under the knife early last month had infact inspired UPA to take this decision. It should be noted that right after the BJP spokespersons surgery food inflation index had dropped by an astonishing 1%. Mr Gadkari it has been learnt has decided to undergo a second surgery in America after hearing about the scheme.

Himesh Reshamiya's movie declared a runaway HIT!!

Delhi 28th Oct 2011:

In an unexpected turn of events the cancellation of Metallicas gig in Delhi which was to be a part of the F1 weekend has resulted in high demands for a Himesh Reshamiya movie. Our Correspondant Sanki couldnt be bothered to find out the name of the insignifact movie but experts say that this sudden demand could result in the movie being declared a hit! 

Metalica was to perform at the Leisure Valley Park in Gurgaon's Sector 29on 28th Oct as part of the F1 weekend which also includes Lady Gagas performance on 29th. 25000 Metallica fans had gathered at the venue to what they expected to be an awsm event. " I waited all my life for this man, wat the F*** is this dude?" were some of the reactions of a certain Anuj who is an Economics Major in DU .An avid Bollywood fan Anuj has never heard any of the bands songs. Off record he told out reporter that he had come so that he could post pictures on Facebook so that chiks think he is "Kool" and accept his random friend requests. Other die hard fans who were high on weed and alcohol and having nothing to do started breaking equipment and jumping on stage. 

With organizers cancelling the show the fans had nothing worthwile to do and decided to go watch Ra.One but with Ra.One tickets being sold out (thanx to SRKs in your face publicity) they had to settle for Himesh Reshamiya's movie. " We were shocked to see such a turnout for the movie" said Mr Arprit Singh the manager of PVR Gurgaon who was initially going to cancel the show for lack of ticket sales. Meaniwhile another movie by a certain Esha Deol did not fair so well cause people had apperently never heard of the actress and did not want to risk seeing a newcomer. Never-the-less with so many people lining up for movie tickets in Gurgaon some did buy tickets for it resulting in the hall screening the 1st show for the movie. "earlier all shows of the movie had to be scrapped as we could not sell a single ticket for the movie." said Mr Singh who was excited at the sudden sales and hoped it would continue.

Industry experts have warned that such a spike in demand for the Reshamiya movie could upset their bar charts and graphs and could result in the movie being declared a HIT!!. Meanwhile we have learnt that Himesh Reshamiya has rejected the theory that people came to see the movie cause of the cancellation of the gig and believes that it was his screen presence and panache that pulled the crowd. In unrelated developments it is being learnt that movie makers are rushing to release their movies on Sunday in Bangalore.

Digvijay Singh goes on Maun Vrat

New Delhi : In a bizarre turn of events Congress spokesperson Digvijay Singh or Diggi as he is lovingly called has decided to Shut up for a week. He has decided to take a leaf out of Annas books and decided to take a Maun Vrat for a week starting monday. This has shocked everyone and media houses like Faking News and other sarcastic sites are at a loss at what they will make fun of for the next week.
Digvijay Singh did not explain why he has taken this decision and said this but then he never explains whatever he says. Experts believe that Anna Hazare who faced with difficult questions about people in his core commitee and with govt questioning his funding had gone on Maun Vrat cause he did not know how to protect himself. Similarly they believe that Digvijay Singh could also be facing some questions and did not have anything to answer. Another theory doing the rounds is that Digvijay Singh was upset at all the jokes being made on him and has decided to punish the media houses by shutting up for a week. Infact it has also been learnt that he believes such tactics could put such media houses out of business and then when he decides to speak no one will make fun of him.
The common man has expressed disgust at Diggis latest tactic. " I would go thru my day lsning to my Bosses shit only cause i knew i would get home , switch on news and Diggi would say something or the other to make me laugh and relieve me of stress. But with Diggi now taking such a decision I dono how long i will be able to take the stress of life" said Mr Ashish Parek who works in Infosys. Diggi has also upset his voters in Bhopal who are now wondering why they should vote for the funny man in the next election if he is going to stop entertaining the public." He has no regard for the stresses in life of a common man, this increase in prices this curroption nothing. He has shut up and left us do deel with all this tension" said a resident of Bhopal
Cardiologists have expressed concern as they say a daily dose of Diggi-ism is necessary as it improves health. Laugh Clubs around the country have also expresed their grif and will be holding an emergency meeting. " We used to discuss Diggis latest statement everyday in the morning and that would give us our kick for the day, Now what are we going to do " said the president of the Laughing Assosiation of India.
Rumors are a buzz that Arundhati Roy has come the rescue of all those who have been affected by stating that she will write another article for The Hindu next week.